Posts Tagged ‘fear’
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Tipping points
I went to yoga class yesterday. I am a new student to this ancient practice and so I accept, with grace and humility,
that my body cannot yet do what some of the students in class are capable of.
This is one of the many blessings of learning to love me: I accept that I make mistakes, I fail, and fall,
forward (sometimes in the same moment.)
If you saw me at yoga you would know what I mean.
The teachers are kind and patient and always tell us to do what we feel our bodies are capable of, no less and no more.
We were working on a few balance practices yesterday.
I am bad at balance, always have been.
I started wearing glasses before I was two and I know the balance issues are somehow related to that.
I have always told myself there are some things I cannot do because I have balance issues, skiing for example is out, as
is walking on a tightrope and flipping on a trampoline.
So when the instructor gave us a balance pose to practice, first with our eyes open and then with
our eyes closed, my mind went immediately to “ Oh I can’t do that, I have balance issues” even before I tried my
mind had made it up that I would not succeed.
The teacher went on to explain why it was important to persist.
She explained that, if you close your eyes, the brain is forced to fire up new neurons to make this happen.
This was especially important to know for the “more mature women” in the class because it would prevent falls.
Apparently just practicing a minute a day will begin to improve the balance.
Wow! I can do that. I can spend a minute a day rewiring my brain.
Here is my take away from that class. The paradox between spending just a few minutes a day practising
my balance to improve my future health is akin to taking a few moments each day to practice personal
balance to improve my mental health.
Both are related to the other, both are essential.
So, now that I am close to done here, I am going to pour myself a cup of hot tea
and turn my brain off. Who knows, I might even spend a minute or two standing on one foot with my eyes closed.
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Saying No to Yes
So most of you probably know of Oprah Winfrey. You probably know of her shows and her new network too. I recently had the chance to go to Harpo studios to preview Miss Representation (www.missrepresentation.org) at the Rosie show. I was invited to the screening by writing an essay about the effects of social media on our girls and boys. It’s an issue I am very passionate about. Going to see Rosie was awesome and I love love love Chicago.
Oprah has been taking her show on the road for a few weeks with the likes of Tony Robbins and Deepak Chopra throughout the United States.
We finally got our chance to see her when ticket sales were announced today to an event in Toronto on April 16.
One of my fabulous clients Shelley sent me a note and asked if I was going and did I want to go with her? Oh yeah baby.
With no time to waste I got on the phone (in between working calls) got out the handy dandy credit card (a brand new one had just arrived in the mail) and got set to wait online to place my order. Bonus #1. I did not have to wait on the phone at all. The service was fast and efficient.
Which section did I want? Um not doing my homework (who had time?) I just ordered them from the closest e’section to the divine Ms. O and her other fabulous guests. Here’s why I did this.
I really don’t know if this will ever happen again. I really love my job and I am always telling people to take the leap: walking the talk here I leapt toward 4 tickets plus Shelley’s. After I got off the phone (yay I got all 5 ) I was able to read some of the stories that were running around online about the event.
“Dear Oprah. I would love to see you but I can’t afford to go. “ “Dear Oprah: I really want to go to see you but my husband won’t let me” ” Dear Oprah: I think you are asking too much money to go to see you. Can I have free tickets?” All legit reasons not to go and of course there are so many people who truly cannot afford to attend an event like this but this is not the case for everybody.
Some could go but they wait: they hesitate: they ponder and the become indecisive. What they’re doing is saying “no” to “yes.” in their life. Saying no means they let fear take over and here’s what happened today if you were one of the folks who decided to wait: sadly: you did not get tickets.
Imagine that..if it is on your wish list to see Oprah and you didn’t go because _______________ (fill in the blank).
I’ve said no to me for a long time. As a child who was abused I learned not to ask for things for myself. I did without a lot of things because I didn’t believe I deserved them. The blessing of my coaches over the years has been that I am now very comfortable saying yes when I really want to say yet. No strings. no problems…just a yes and then a whole lot of anticipation as the date rolls closer.
I’ll keep you updated on a big surprise announcement coming up soon..
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Is it time for an intervention with your business?
I am a sole proprietor of a small business, essentially a one woman show, for all intents and purposes. Does that mean I do everything by myself? Not on your life. My better half is quick to ensure our dogs get out for the daily runs if he sees that my day is full of client calls. My friends help me out with errands or dog sitting or even just meeting up for coffee to make sure I get the hell out of the house and see the sky.
Working on your own is exhilarating and fun and lonely and frustrating and so much more than all of that.
I know that many women who are small business owners struggle with “work, life, balance” issues. They are of the belief that they can’t take time out for themselves, they find it hard to give themselves permission to step away from the work, just in case something happens.
Have you ever watched a gambling addict at a casino? You know the one: they can’t step away from the machine even for a second because they know the next big win is just waiting for them.
One time I visited a new casino in Florida because we had coupons to eat there. As I walked past the line of telephones a woman collapsed on the floor, bam, right in front of me. She didn’t even have time to hang up the phone. I learned later that she had been inside at the casino for more than 24 hours straight! I don’t think I have ever done anything for 24 hours, except breathe. She was pasty and exhausted and dehydrated and apparently used Depends so she didn’t even have to leave to go to the washroom! Yikes!
I see lots of people who seem to be addicted to their businesses. They cannot leave, they cannot take any time off even when they are not well. They give me lots of good reasons for their behavior but, truth, the bottom line is that this is a choice. We all have choice in our lives about who we want to be and how we want to be.
Since I am not perfect, I know that probably shocks some of you, I do over extend myself some days. I may try to accommodate a client by changing an appointment for them when I already have several calls that day. I am learning though because I know this for sure: if I do not take care of me then my clients are not cared for properly, my family is not cared for and my two lovely dogs are not properly cared for.
Some days it’s hard to let the phone ring and take me time but I am taking my lesson from the woman at the casino ” you have to know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em” and if you don’t, at some point you’re probably going to fall flat on your face, bam, just like that.
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Did you know I got held up?
I was on a radio show today sharing the message about my movement Helping Millions Make Millions. Thanks to Bev Mahone of the Boomer Beat radio show for letting that happen. You can listen to the full broadcast right here!
You know that song These Eyes, by the Guess Who? I love that song…it was really popular when I was in my teens and it still is a favourite amongst several generations. The words of the song came to mind today when I was thinking about writing this story. As you sing along consider changing the words to These Arms…
When I was thinking about what I wanted to say this message came to my mind: women use money differently than men, we support our causes, our communities, our kids. Women do not, generally speaking, see war as the answer to complex issues. We are pacifists when it comes time for resolution.
Well here’s something to consider. Women make up 53% of the population and earn 1% of the wealth! We are the 99%! Doesn’t that make you mad? It infuriates me and partly because we seem to have accepted that as a way of life and choose not to change our circumstance..
I have a solution..we should have an arms race. Men do it all the time, governments are always saying it’s a good idea…look how much power arms races instill. The next superpower is usually determined by the country with the most arms, right?
However, since I ascribe to the pacifist solution, my take on the arms race is very “out of the box.” I say women should join together in unity and raise each other up. Offer a hand up not a hand out. Take a look at this amazing Ted Talk about women and biz in war torn countries. It speaks volumes about the power of women in my humble opinion.
Look at your arms and marvel at their strength, Honour that they have soothed and saved and loved all your life.
These arms, your arms, hugged children when they needed soothing, these arms reached out to touch the hand of a lost soul and bring them back, these arms hugged a human in their most excruciating time of need, these arms comforted and cared for and caressed people you loved. These arms, your arms, scratched the ears of your favourite puppy, stroked the belly of a furry kitten, combed the fine soft hair of a baby child, pushed the hair out of the eyes of your mother as she rested and your son as he recovered from the flu. These arms will hold you up, lift you up, push you up and, with a circle of women in your life, the world will be changed.
I got held up and you know what, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Are you ready to join in the arms race? Ae you ready to start turning your passion into profit and offer a hand up to other women?
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2012..catastrophe? What catastrophe…sh*t my titles use
I hear it all the time, standing in line ups, waiting to pay for food, collecting my money from the bank…” wow money sure is tight right now. I sure would love to win the lottery” i listen and ask what they would do if they won…”don’t know but i would quit my job right away.” as i make my way out of the building Ioften see those same complainers happily handing over ten or twenty bucks to the cashier at the lottery booth…
So here’s what I make of conversations like that.
1. They hate their job
2. They’re trading their valuable time for something they hate
3. They don’t have a clue about their goals…if you ask me how i would spend lottery winnings I can tell you right away..
4. They don’t want to, or don’t know how, to change this situation…
So here are a few ways to make change happen.
1. First, you have to want something different
2. Second, you have to be willing to try.
3. Get out of victim mode and take responsibility for yourself.
4. Hire a life coach…work together for a few months
5. Join in a group coaching program on the phone if money feels a little tight
6. Listen to our radio programs to be inspired to create change
7. Become an angel investor to someone who wants coaching
8. Donate money to www .kiva.org to support small biz start ups.
9. Share your story, wrote, speak, yell from the rooftops if you have to
10. Come to a live coaching event, be inspired, be m
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John Lennon, Gandhi accused of peace crimes?
No they were not of course but the whole notion of war crimes got me thinking about the opposite to that. The world is in, it would seem, a state of great flux, news of a leader from other countries being murdered, cries of justice, cries of shame, cries of hate..nobody is immune it would seem.
Obviously I do not own the rights to this video…John Lennon and Yoko Ono with Give Peace a Chance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkZC7sqImaM
I wondered what Gandhi, Mother Teresa, John Lennon, Martin Luther King Jr. would think of this, I wondered what they would do and here’s what I came up with..a movement, they’d all start a movement, a peace movement. Well they’re not here and I am most certainly not a world leader like these esteemed leaders were but what the heck ya gotta start somewhere with somebody so here we go.
We’ve all heard the term “crimes of hate” and we’ve all been exposed to historical stories of people who were accused of such atrocities. My learning was beget from the history books written during the Nazi regime, Anne Frank was a favourite book of mine, tragic, true, sad….It matters not what era you grew up in there will always be a time when one can look back and see how one culture is trying to eliminate another culture. My husband is from Belfast, he grew up just as the Troubles were starting…
It just feels to me like everybody is living in fear and, since I’m all about facing that fear and living a fearless life here’s what I’ve decided to do… I’ve launched a “crimes of peace” movement. People will be charged with crimes of peace for working on creating change, creating peace…they’ll be served peace bonds much like bail bonds (only these aren’t legal documents) and they’ll be eligible to win a prize. Yup, once a month I’m going to go through all the submissions, that’s where you all come in, and pick a winner. That person will win a $50 prize, I know it’s small but I’m funding this through my coaching business Living la Vida Fearless Coaching Services, for now.
So, go on out and start your own peace crime, document it, send it in, write about it, share it out with me to put up here, however you’d like us to know about it and we’ll take it from there. C’mon folks you up to it? I don’t know about y’all but I’m just getting tired of listening to the news and hearing of, yet another, way that people have learned to kill each other. Come join me won’t you? Now there’s an idea for a Mother’s Day gift…
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Believing in the unbelievable.
I often ask my clients what they’d do if there were no limits…It’s a great exercise as it really pushes one to think beyond what they believe to be true. That’s what coaching is all about, push beyond the boundaries of one’s truth to the real truth of what is possible, not what they think is possible. So, with that said, I want to share
a success story with you today that is based in 1939. It was shared to me today by a school principal and it’s a great story! Follow the link I’ve included here to read the full story online -
When did I become and enabler? Yikes!
I have never had anybody say to me “you know what Jan, I love being stuck in fear. I love not knowing how much money I’ll have when I retire and I really, really love living this wretched life.” Nope, they’ve never said that to me but, when they decide to back away from my coaching programs that’s exactly what they’re doing. They choosing to live in the crap and the pain and the fear because that’s all they know. How tragic.And you know what else I’ve realized while on this helping millions make millions tour? If I don’t allow people to work with me, yes allow, because I didn’t listen well enough to their pain, then I’ve essentially become an enabler to their pain. Wow, that’s an eye opener for me: the women who is devoted to the growth and prosperity of other women, an enabler of their pain!
so, here’s the deal. First off, to all of you with whom I’ve talked but not coached, I’m truly sorry. I let you down, I failed yo, I was not listening deeply enough. The good news is I have finally realized my error and am ready to make it right. If we’ve talked in the past and you’re still feeling stuck let’s talk again for 15 minutes. I promise to listen, to acknowledge and to provide you an opportunity to finally find freedom from your pain.
All you have to do is sign up here to start the conversation. I promise I’ll do a better job to get you out of your pain.
http://womenshealthandwellnesscoach.com/products-page/ Remember just sign up here and, when I receive your email I’ll get right back to you!
Living la vida fearless, Jan
